Its You, Not Me
Irony #24
HOW TO SPIRITUALLY BREAK UP
“It’s Not You, It’s My Timeline Shift”
BEFORE YOU BEGIN:
Set sacred space. Light a candle.
Take three conscious breaths.
Tell your partner you’re about to destroy their heart, but in a soul-expanding way.
PHASE 1: OPEN WITH SOFT DELUSION
“This isn’t an ending… it’s a vibrational redirection.”
“Our soul contract is complete… until the next retrograde.”
“I love you unconditionally… but I’m also ghosting you with integrity.”
PHASE 2: BLAME IT ON COSMIC FORCES
“My guides told me I need to realign with my purpose.”
“Saturn is in my commitment house.”
“We’re just not matching frequencies anymore, and honestly, I’ve been vibrating above my own trauma lately.”
PHASE 3: SPRINKLE SPIRITUAL GUILT
“You helped me so much… by triggering everything I thought I healed.”
“You’re powerful, but I can’t keep anchoring you into my grid.”
“I wish I could hold space for this, but my bandwidth is reserved for my shadow integration right now.”
PHASE 4: EXIT STRATEGY
Pack your crystals.
Leave your hoodie.
Send a voice note saying,
“Thank you for showing me where I still abandon myself.”
Then vanish into a cacao ceremony forever.
REMEMBER:
You’re not running away.
You’re “ascending independently.”
And if you ever feel regret…
Just call it a timeline split.
#ItWasSacredUntilItWasnt
#ConsciousUncouplingButDramatic
#LoveLightAndLogOff
#WeWereVibrationallyIncompatible